Life's Hurdles

Sometimes I question myself
Why am I smart? What's the point of it?
If I could, I'd probably exchange it for more social skills
Having more courage to speak up and approach others
Not getting caught up in reticence and introversion

The problems I am facing
The trials I am being put through
The hurdles along the way
I know they are intended for me to grow spiritually
But at the same time, it's really taxing

I know it takes time
Yet I don't feel that I'm making progress
It's not that I'm not trying
I already am

I'm giving it all I've got
Yet I don't feel I'm doing enough
I really want to serve God

I'm already attending church
Participating in Christian fellowships
Yet, I feel that something still missing

But what if it's really not enough
Then I guess I'd need to do more
I need to try harder

I want to step out in faith
In courage I want to soar
Yet, I feel as if this is just one insurmountable barrier for me

People might say, "Trust in the LORD. He will give you courage."
But somehow, I just don't see it.

"But it's not about whether you can see it. God will surely direct your path if you trust Him."

Yes, I suppose so but...

--

A Lonely Journey

I feel so alone on this journey
I want to fly but my wings have not fully grown
I want to run but I have not learned how to walk
I want to dance but I have not learned the moves
I want to sing but I have not learned the song
I want to lead but I have not learned to serve
I want friends but I have not learned to be friends to others

Perhaps things will be better
I know they will
After all, God has not given up on me
He never will
He thought I was worth the trouble
He gave His Son to die for my sins
He cares so much for me
He sent His Spirit to guide me on this journey

But I have no idea where to go from here
I have visions for the future
But they seem so improbable
I have so many ideas
So many thoughts
I simply do not know which to follow

Perhaps I should get more involved in church
Or perhaps cell group activities
Perhaps I should serve more in ministry
Or perhaps reach out to people more
Then, perhaps I can have some idea where I am headed

O Lord, which way shall I go?
Where are you leading me now?

Healing Scars

It all began an afternoon walk
A lonely stroll along the forest path
The leaves I saw were turning brown
A certain sign of looming autumn

The scene that day seemed rather dull
The auburn trees, the yellow skies
The autumn breeze that beat against me
Did little to lighten me up

Along I walked on leaf-covered trail
Unaware of the road before me
A sudden moment I tripped and fell
And cut my hand among the thorns

Pulses of pain raced through my hands
As I lay there bewildered and sad
I got up and recomposed myself
Continuing my afternoon stroll

I came to a point where I decided to stop
And examine my bleeding wound
On a rock I sat against the hilltop
Against the colours of sunset gloom

I took a glance of the back of my hand
A deep cut I saw was sitting there
Red blood oozing from the wound
Trickling down to the forest floor

I looked on at the open gash
It would soon be replaced with a scar
An unsightly mark upon my hand
An ugly blemish not fading away

I turned my eyes away from my hand
There was nothing I could do for it
The wound was reminding me of my past
The past I wished never to remember

I turned my thoughts away from my hand
Turning my attention away from my pain
The sensations that were rattling my mind
Were forgotten in the blink of an eye

But there were things that I could not forget
The pain that was kept, stored within me
Emotions were building within my soul
Gripping me with utter despair

Reluctantly I looked into my heart
And saw ugly scars that would not heal
It was filled with marks of sorrow
It was riddled with blemishes of the past

Bitter memories now flooded my mind
Remembrances of failures and letdowns
Reminiscence of hurts and disappointments
Recollections of loneliness and despair

I closed my eyes, it was too much to bear
I had seen enough, not wishing for more
Tears of grief were rolling down my cheeks
I wished all this would go away

I opened my eyes and looked to the hills
And marvelled at what laid before me
A cross had appeared up on the hilltop
A lone figure there hanging upon it

His hands and feet were pierced with nails
Blood was pouring onto the ground
Lashes and scars covered his body
On his head laid a crown of thorns

As He hung in pain and agony
Abandoned there to die alone
I knew who it was without second thoughts
The lamb of God, the perfect sacrifice

He gave His life to secure my freedom
He poured His blood to heal my brokenness
He bore my sins so I could live
He took my weakness and turned it to strength

I was so moved beyond all words
Tears came streaming down my face
His grace for me was so great
His love for me was so deep

I stood and walked up to the hilltop
Where my savior King hung upon the cross
I took with me my burden and pain
And laid it down at the foot of the cross

I knelt before Him with a grateful heart
Before the One who gave it all
He said to me, ‘It is finished’
Everything He did had been fulfilled

I looked up again but He was gone
Gone with the blowing of the autumn breeze
But He was with me deep in my heart
He was closer to me than ever more

He knew his death, yet His love prevailed
He knew his pain, yet His grace held on
He knew I needed His healing touch
He knew I needed His redeeming blood

I looked up to heaven that bright sunny afternoon
Relishing in the cool autumn breeze
My deepest wounds were healed I know
By the touch of His gentle Spirit

God did heal my broken heart
Gently closing the open wounds
The scars of my heart served to testify
My deepest hurts He made them right

I looked at my hand another time
A scar had already started to form
But scars weren’t ugly, no they were not
They were part of God’s healing plan

I now know that scars weren’t bad
They were there so I could heal
They were there to show God cared
To show that He loved me

Whenever I feel it hurts too much
Whenever I think the wound is too deep
The scars of life would remind me
He is there with His healing grace
And He loves me deeply, this I know

The Train of Eternity

A train station before me
Eternity was its name
I stood perplexed
Uncertain of my way

People all around me
Dashing along their way
Stopping not
For little old me

I walked down the aisle
The narrow staircase
Looking past the crowd
Into the unknown ahead

Before me the path diverges
Two trails in opposite directions
A wooden sign greeted me
Choose wisely, destiny awaits!

The path to my left
Its name was Sin
Its trails were broad
Short and smooth to add

Alluring and tempting it was
Many people walking along it
I felt compelled
To join in the crowd

The path to my right
Its name was Life
Its trails were narrow
And long and rough

The path was deserted
It might as well be
For I thought to myself
How is this dismal road
The way to life?

Weighing the options
I followed the mass
Along the path of Sin
I thought to myself
This is the better choice

A distant humming sound
Echoed through the station
Louder and louder it got
Ascending to a mighty roar

The train had arrived
The vehicle of my destiny
It looked newly painted
Drenched in black
It seemed attractive
Radiating elegance

The people were amazed
And rushed to board it
I followed in
Eager to see where it would take me

I took a seat
On one of the chairs
Thinking deeply what lied ahead
Suddenly
Something felt…not quite right

I dismissed my thoughts
And said to myself
Perhaps I was new
I’ll grow to like it
I’m sure I will

After what seemed
Like eternity past
The doors closed
The train departed
Onward to my eternal destination

There was partying in the train
People cheering and smiling
Drinking to their fill
Celebrating their new hope

I thought to myself
See…it was not so bad
I made the right choice
In boarding this train

Just when I thought
Things were flawless
Things turned around
Perfection was shattered

An argument broke out
A fight ensued
First among few
Then to the multitudes

People were cursing and shouting
Lashing at one another
With an exchange of fists
As well as words

Then weapons were brought in
Oh it was hell on the train
Thrusting at one another
The people attacked ruthlessly

Not wanting to be the loser
Finally the situation calmed
People returned to their seats
Their hearts filled
With bitterness and resentment

The atmosphere was filled
With darkness and hatred
It was horrible
Oh, just as I feared

I wanted to get off
But it was too late
Where can I go
But lost in the wilderness

So this is where sin takes me
Down to the grave
Where death awaits me
Oh, the regret
Of this foolish choice

In my hopelessness and despair
I wept silently
Hoping that things would change
But it all seemed impossible
There was no way

Suddenly a passenger stood up
And spoke with authority
Follow me
And I shall give you life

Many laughed at him
Hurling abusive words and gestures
Not wishing to believe
His impossible claims

Again He spoke with grace and passion
With authority he declared
Follow me
And I shall give you life

I was amazed at the man
Making such grandiose claims
How is it possible
That this man could bring life

But something told me
This was no ordinary man
Deep inside, I could feel
The grace and hope that flowed from Him
I gazed at him in awe and wonder

There was no hope on this train
I thought to myself
It was evident
Death stood at the end

Standing up I declared
I will follow you
Out of this train of death
I shall go
Into the life you proclaim

A few others joined me
We wanted to get out
From darkness to light
We wanted to get off
From death to life

When the man saw
That no one else would follow
He said to us
Come, let us go

The rest of the people shouted
Don’t be fools, you people
Don’t be tricked by His cunning words
Where can you go from here

Ignoring them we followed the man
As the train passed
Through the country side
We jumped off one after another
The man being the last to leave

We got off safely
What a relief
But where do we go
That would lead us to life

The man said to us
You’ve made brave choices
In following me
The journey ahead is perilous
The road to life is narrow

We will follow you
Wherever you lead us
We have seen enough evil
We now desire rest

The man then led us
Through the wilderness
Through the rocky hills
And the thick jungles

For forty long days
We struggled on
Striving for the path of life
That was promised by the man

The suffering of the journey
Was not the same
As the despair on the train
We felt love and hope
As we pushed each other on

Finally we reached the train
Whose name was Life
The same train I ignored
When I chose to follow Sin

Now I could see
Life in all its majesty
It was beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words

We boarded the train
That would lead us to life
And I was at peace
Knowing my future was secured
And Life awaited me
At the end of the days
And the man – oh He was so much more
He is Jesus Christ
My Lord and my Saviour