Monday, September 28, 2009

To Die and Rise Again

Today, I got to witness and celebrate the death and resurrection of a sister. It was an amazing moment to see her choose to let go of her tightrope and allow herself to fall into the great abyss beneath her, and to trust that a faithful God will catch her and lift her up again.

During worship, the words "many witnesses" kept resounding in my mind. Many witnesses - all of God's people, my brothers and sisters in Christ, all of creation - testifying to the faithfulness and holiness of our Creator God. It was later that I realised that my sister was about to undergo her baptism, where she would be plunged into the pool and to rise up again out of the waters. It was then I realised the words were spoken to me. We were all about to bear witness to the death and resurrection of our dear sister.

It was a heartwarming moment, truly, to see her make her choice to follow the Lord Jesus and to serve Him wholeheartedly all the days of her life, to say that she has been crucified with the Lord, that it is no longer she who lives but Christ who lives in her, and that the life that she lives now in the body she lives for the Son of God who loved her and gave himself for her.

I was praying and seeking God for myself later in the evening.

I was seeking wisdom and vision for my relationship. I was seeking guidance for choices of faith that I have to make. I was seeking re-affirmation and re-dedication of all the choices that I have made.

As I was opening up my heart to the Lord, I came to this point where I wanted to just let go and sink into the waters, where I hoped to die in the ocean depths, where I wished to release my grip on my tightrope and fall into the darkness beneath.

In a sense, I wanted the Lord to kill me - to kill my pride, idolatry, anger, hatred, bitterness, jealousy, cynicism. I wanted him to crucify my flesh - my eyes that tell me what is and what is not possible, my stomach with its insatiable appetite, and my mind that thinks it can control everything and pull all the strings together.

So, I let go...

I could hear the loud splash and then it was just silence. I could hear only the hum of the waters and the gentle whispers of the ocean. I chose not to struggle, breathing my last breath, I die...

I sink to the bottom of the ocean. Deeper and deeper. Letting go of all the things that I have been hanging on to. Releasing the chains and fetters, all the idols that have bound me. Choosing to be free from the demons that have whispered to me, in whom I have previously found my security in.

Deeper and deeper...into the darkness beneath...

Gentle waves rolled over the surface of the water. Greyish, wispy clouds hovered above. A mild sea breeze swept across the seas.

The oceans rippled and seemed to quiver. The fluidity of the sea waters was broken and shattered. Bursts of light seemed to emanate from the hidden depths. 

I rose out of the water renewed and refreshed, the grace and fire within me refilled and rekindled. The peace and love now abounding and abiding once more. The faith and hope revived and restored.

Now, this light must go into the world, into the land that the Creator has sworn to all humanity, into the place where His Majesty wants to establish His rule and His reign forever and ever, across the entire plane of existence where His promises are sure and His word is steadfast.

Into the land that He will give to me. Into the land that is my inheritance. Into the land where I shall take, settle in, and build for generations to come...

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